In search of... Motivation

Oh, how things have changed.  I haven’t been here in such a long, long time.  Life has changed oh so much for me – some for the much, much better. Oh, MOST for the better.  But when it comes to my working out, that is for the worse.  Much, much worse.

We have moved… kinda sorta.  We are about 75% into our new house, which I love.  We make trips back and forth to the old house, filling up one or the other car and bringing it back.  We unpack a bit here and there to make the house functional.  We enjoy it as much as we can.  But we are so, so very busy and tired.

I started my new job a month ago tomorrow.  And I am so very, very busy.  I love it. I love my work, I love the people I work with.  I am challenged beyond belief.  There is never a moment I am not swamped.  

Taking time to do anything else means I have to add a million things to my to-do list and not cross anything off… but that would happen anyway.  I love working at home, though it provides its challenges.  I wouldn’t trade this for the world.

But… I am barely working out.  I haven’t been as busy as I am in so very long.  It is not busy where I am ready to explode with stress.  It is busy that I love and have been craving. The work a professional woman that has worked so hard on her career loves. But, working out has been truly suffering the past 3 weeks.  And I hate it.

I am grumpy and disoriented.  My body feels gross and I am out of sorts.  I haven’t gained weight, but I feel like I’ve gained 100.  I feel lumpy and bumpy.  I need it.

I did a sprint triathlon on Sunday.  I completed it. I sucked at it.  And while I joked heavily about it going in, it disappointed me.  I don’t want to suck.  I was training, I was doing well.  And then… I wasn’t.  It was still fun, but I know I could have done better, and would have done better.

I need to get back into it.  I need to motivate.  There IS time, I CAN do it.  There is just so much else to do, so many boxes I can’t get to during the day, so many press releases to write, so many people to manage, so very much… SO much…

I need to get back to it.  I have less than a month until my first Olympic triathlon. And then a month later is my first marathon.  I need to get back to this.

Seriously… why am I in this place right now???

Checking in, staying alive

I should be working right now, and I have so very, very much to do… I should be taking advantage of Matt being out of town, but I’m going to take a quick breather and write a bit, update on what has been going on.  Really… not much when it comes to my fitness except status quo, which is a good thing!  Status quo for me means I am on track and I’m okay with that.

I am following my marathon training program fairly religiously.  Not always right on track, but for the most part I am within 2 miles of where I should be every week.  Right now, I’m running about 35-37 miles a week.  Last weekend, my long run was 15 miles and I averaged about 8:35 minutes a mile which I’m happy with.  I’m having an issue with my right ankle… which is a sore/weak spot for me since I was about 7 and dancing.  Someone told me once that everyone has a weak spot(s) on their body and I believe one of mine may be my right ankle.  I am only allergic to poison ivy on my right ankle (no lie), it is the weakest place on my body ~ not good for a ballerina on pointe! 

But, is what it is.  Ankle isn’t swollen, just tender.  So, just taking it easy. Luckily, I don’t have to wear heels much (had to today for a few hours, don’t have to again for 2 days) anymore which helps.

Swimming is going pretty well.  I’m definitely feeling more confident which is great.  Still not great and super strong, but being more confidant goes a LONG way.  I at least feel stronger in my stroke, stronger in my endurance, and more confident that I won’t die.  We will see how that translates in the open water, but it is a much better place than I was in April.

And the bike… Well, I haven’t actually been ON my bike since my last tri.  Yea, I kid you not.  Since my last triathlon, I decided to start being an actual runner, not just run.  There is a big difference.  And doing that has cut into my time seriously.  And my biking is what has suffered – more so than it did before.  I need to get on my bike at least twice in the next two weeks (which is a little issue since it is in two pieces on my floor right now… ) so I have a little comfort.  I also need to get to the gym.

My life has taken such a great personal turn, me getting a job that I truly love and my husband and I getting a great new house for our family.  But I am about a thousand times busier than I’ve been in years.  So far, I am managing it all, time-wise.  And doing it while adding in the stress of now working from home.  Most will say, “OH, that is AWESOME!”, and it is… but it is also a great deal of time management and focus when you have a three very busy children.  And the job puts me at a vice president level with a number of people reporting to me and a great deal of responsibility.  So, I have to make sure the cogs are turning… on everything.  But, I am so grateful.  And I have it working, right now! 

Now, the next thing is a sprint triathlon on Father’s Day.  I’m excited about it. I had forgotten all about it until I got a reminder email a few days ago.  Should be a lot of fun and we’ll see how I’ve progressed in the past two months. 

Onward and upward!

Stressssssss.....

What a few weeks it has been!  We started out about as stressed as possible, waiting to hear about both my new job and our new house.  Talk about crazy!  I’ve been working on this job for almost a month… did I want it? Did they want me? Was it the right fit? UGH! Then I decided I wanted it and… I waited.  For our house, we had a 5 day bidding war and then… we waited to hear.  We were WRECKS! I felt sick to my stomach most of Monday and Tuesday.  Matt could barely sleep. We were total nightmares.  But, Wednesday brought sweet news. I got my job offer at 11:30am and at 9:35pm, the little green light on my phone showed I had the email we had been waiting for… we got our house!  And all was right in the world.

So, with that, I have been keeping up with my running program, but did not swim last week.  My stomach was really a huge mess.  I also did not go to the gym at all, which just sucks. I really feel like I need a day or two just lifting… hard.  I have been really happy with my running, though.  My times have been great and that makes me happy.

However, I’m suffering from a crazy ass toenail right now.  My big toenail won’t fall off and it is really, really hurting. It has been bruised for a long time (since late February when I hurt my shin during that 20 mile run) and I knew it eventually would fall off. Well, Saturday as I was digging through my closet, it grabbed on something and ripped halfway off, taking some skin underneath with it.  THAT isn’t how it should have come on.  When they fall off, it shouldn’t be traumatic.  When it is, that is when the pain (and, in my case blood and gore) comes. 

So, now I’m in a lot of pain.  Shoes hurt, so I’m in flip flops.  I ran this morning, at :15+ pace.  I am trying to soak it as much as possible then dislodge it more and more, hoping I can work the nail off.  Having it off, will really be much, much better.  While the skin will be so very tender, I think it will be much better than having this nail pushing against damaged skin. 

Race this weekend.  Matt, Dad and I are doing the Marine Historic Half Marathon. Should be a lot of fun.  Poor mom – she will have 3 of us coming in at different times.  If I can get through this toe thing, I should come in around 1:53-2:00 (unless I push some of the miles out, but with the toe going on, that isn’t happening L).  Matt will come in second, then Dad.  So, mom and #3 kid will be waiting around awhile.  Poor things!

I am unemployed Wednesday – Friday, so getting on my bike!!! YEA!! Can’t wait!  Hoping to get out Wednesday and Friday, which will be awesome.  Maybe get in 30 miles on Wednesday and 20 on Friday before a massage on Friday to get ready to RUN!

YEA!

Catching up, tri-ing it

HI! I’m here.  What a lame blogger I’ve been.  Sad because I really have been thinking of turning this into something… Oh, me and my grandiose thoughts ;-).  We are going through a pretty stressful period in my house right now – a lot of really big things/decisions needing to happen all at once and it is really sapping us.  One thing about Hubs and I is that we tend to handle stress together really well. I think it is one of the big reasons I love him.  But this is really getting to us.  These are big, huge adult decisions that really impact our whole family.  And on a really tight timeline, we have to make them.  So, it’s been pretty… crazy.

But, the good news on that is that I definitely have not missed a workout.  I relish my time out as it gives me a very much needed release.  I almost wish I worked out at a different time in the day, later, so I could get rid of the tension, but I know whenever I get to get out and go, I will benefit ~ and therefore, my family will too..

I am halfway through week 2 of my marathon running program.  I researched a lot of programs and chose an intermediate level program (as opposed to a “first time marathoner” one) designed for runners that have done a few marathons.  Yea, I know I haven’t, but I think I would be really bored with the first timer one because of the level I am already training at.  It is a program that doesn’t focus on your TIME, because I don’t wear a watch (though I do get my pace by tracking it on my phone and looking afterward), but distance and intensity. I figure, if I decide to do more marathons next year, I can worry about the whole time thing… back to this being my “intro to being an endurance athlete year.”

I did have a bit of a “yuck” moment last Saturday, though.  My “long” run was a 9 miler and 3 miles through, I rolled my ankle coming down a hill.  If it were during a race, I would have kept going, but after another 2 minutes, I felt it better to abort the run.  I think that was a good decision because it has been just a bit tender ever since.  I’ve run on it now twice and it is fine, but I think not going another 6 miles that day was a good thing.

Next race is a half marathon on May 20 – the Marine Corps Half Marathon.  It’s a fairly challenging course, especially a nasty hill at mile 9.  But, I’m looking forward to the great adrenalin rush!  I haven’t run a race (besides a 5k a little while after #3 was born… ha!) in 5 years! Matt and Dad are running it too.  Feel bad Matt is doing it – he’s only been back off the injured reserve for 3 weeks, but he is going to get out and go!

Swimming is going much, much better.  I don’t dread getting up and going to the pool and find that my endurance is getting much better every time I go.  I think me deciding to not focus on my speed and to make the conscious decision to slow down was such a good idea for me. I know I definitely feel more comfortable in the water and even slowly finishing is better than not being able to finish at all.

The bike?  Eh… I just need to get out on it.  The great, wonderful, fantastic news is that after we get over this crazy time in our lives, Matt is going to buy a bike. He loves to ride and if we can go out together for 20-30 miles, I would love it. Unlike running, I would love to have a riding partner.  And my brother is going to start bringing his bike up when he visits, so the 3 of us can go out together.

I still usually get one day at the gym in, lifting. Sometimes upper body, sometimes loads of squats, and always abs.  It is so important to have a strong core because in every part of a tri, you are engaging your core to push through. 

Even food is going… better.  Not great because I, of course, am addicted to chocolate.  And I really do not intend to change that.  Maybe come June I will because I have two triathlons, one right after the other, but for now? I’m okay.  But I’ve been drinking 100-125 oz of water a day, I’ve been eating 5-6 times a day a good mix of foods, and for the most part, what I take in is pretty good. I’ve finally started to lose some weight, and that is good.  I SHOULD be losing some weight as I am holding on to fat in my butt and thighs.  It is due to how I have been eating. 

Now, I in NO WAY think I am overweight nor am I trying at all to lose weight. I’m perfectly happy with how I look and what I weigh. I am NOT dieting at all. I don’t count, I don’t journal.  I am saying this for those that know my past and that there was an unhealthy period for awhile.  I will tell you that I most likely will weigh equal or less than I did during that unhealthy period by the time the summer is over.  THAT being said, while I lived on bunless hotdogs and coffee then, I eat… and eat… and eat now.  And according to the BMI, I could lose like 20 pounds and still be “normal”. Now, personally, I think the BMI is a bunch of crap because I am a size 2-4 and I’m 6 pounds away from being overweight, so I’m calling bullshit. But my point is, I promise everyone, I’m eating, I’m healthy, and I’m NOT overtraining.  Because I don’t have the freaking TIME!

That’s a long post.  If anyone is on Daily Mile, I’m there, logging my workouts. Find me!

Why? For ME, that why!

Today went well. I love days I can say that because not all days are like that.  It feels so good to be back on a program.  Now I have my runs scheduled and my swims (at least two days a week) scheduled.  Now, I need to work on some kind of bike program or routine and I’ll feel great. 

Tuesdays and Thursdays will be run/swim double days for me.  A bit brutal because they will be TRUE doubles, so one right after the other.  It is a lot on my body, but have to do it.  So today was 4 miles of hills then swim.  The hills were tough – I have some GREAT ones in my neighborhood, though it did get drop dead boring running around the same streets for half an hour. I know this is going to be great for me though.  And is really supposed to help with my endurance for the long, long runs later.  It’s only a 25 mile week this week so that isn’t bad – long run is only 9 miles. 

Then swimming – WAS OKAY!  We didn’t have any SUPER long drills, which is to my benefit. But, the good news is that I completed each drill!  I didn’t stop, I didn’t walk, I kept going.  This is a big deal for me.  I figured out that besides the concentration thing (still true, still working on it), I need to SLOW DOWN.  My speed will come. I need to not worry about anyone else in my lane. Okay, yea… I’m in a slow lane. But still, they are faster than me.  And I can’t worry about it.  I tried going to an even slower lane, but I’m faster than them, so I stayed in my lane, I didn’t let it bother me that I was dead last, someone lapped me at one point… I just did my thing.  And I finished! 

It’s like running – it comes.  I think I started in January with an 11:00 minute mile.  I run about 8:40 now.  It doesn’t just happen… you work up to it.  And I don’t like RUNNING with anyone, hate someone else dictating my pace.  Why would it be any different swimming?

So, maybe this was a turning point? (not trying to think about maybe it just being a good day…)

Someone asked me yesterday why I started all of this.  And I gave my normal answer, “because I was bored.”  And that is really, really true.  If you have been reading along, you know that I got bored.  With my workouts, with work.  I was bored.  I needed something to really challenge me and to give me some sense of “me.” 

It’s that sense of ME that is missing from that answer.  I like having something that nobody else I know is doing.  It is mine. I can research it on my own, I can train on my own.  I look to my brother for help on certain things, I meet new people who inspire me.  But when I accomplish something, it is mine.

That sounds selfish – but for being an extrovert, I’ve become much more introspective and personal about my time and my things as I’ve gotten older. Every woman should have things they are proud of – and that should go beyond their kids.  This is mine.  It’s why I analyze every workout and why I wrote a blog post for each event for my triathlon.  Not because I want to kick everyone’s ass next race.  But because it is mine.  Something I care about.

But… that being said, I do love that #1 has started looking at USAT’s youth program.  When my brother starts kicking my butt when he recovers from his surgery, I’ll have a problem.  When/if Ellen starts to compete, I’ll be in awe.  

Clearing my mind

It’s been a nice, relaxing past 5 days filled with no exercise and lots of food.  FAR too much food, my body is telling me.  But, after my run on Wednesday, I decided to take a break.  I figured out that my new marathon training program was starting a week earlier than I thought – so today – which means a big increase in my running mileage, plus I am still dedicated to increasing the time I spend on the bike and really, really do want to work on my swim and figure it out… so, instead of focusing just on the marathon program, I will be doing a lot more.

I just keep thinking that by the end of this summer, I really will be in the best shape of my life. That is such a cool feeling!

Pretty easy run this morning for Day 1, except it was pouring rain and chilly.  It did feel GREAT to get outside and move, though, after taking that break.  My body craved it.  ABSOLUTELY craved it.  I get judged a lot – even by those that love me – about my dedication to exercising and healthy living. People don’t understand why I get up early, even on the weekends, to fit in a run, a ride, or a trip to the gym.  They don’t get why I may turn down an extra beer and grab yet another huge bottle of water, but then gorge myself on food.  And why I always pack my running shoes. Always.  And will turn in early (or accidently fall asleep!) so I can get up an hour early to get a quick run in before my kids get up.

I’m not crazy.  Nor do I have a disjointed body image.  I just like how working out makes me feel.  I’m so  much better for it – and trust me, my family appreciates it too.  I think they were ready to force me out of the house to go lift or run or do SOMETHING after this weekend because I was pissy. 

I was thinking about this today during my run… and then came in to find my good friend, Ericka, had posted about it on her blog.  Great minds!

My Ellen keeps on amazing me.  On the way to her swimming practice the other day, I asked her what she thinks about when she is doing laps.  And, at 9.5, she gave me a very profound answer I didn’t expect.  I truly thought she would say something like, “oh, whatever… homework, how many laps I have left, what my sister did to me, etc.”  But she came out with an athlete’s answer and it took my breath away.  I love so much about this kid…  Ellen swims not to be the best, because I’m not sure if she has that exact drive for swimming. But she doesn’t want to be bad.  There is a HUGE difference, and if you have been a competitive athlete before, you know that difference.  Ellen hates to be bad at anything.  But to watch her and to talk to her and to just be around her and swimming, it is hard to miss she has a passion for the sport.  And I love that she does.

She told me that before she starts doing a drill, any laps, she clears her mind and thinks about the stroke she is about to do.  She thinks about what she needs to work on, any adjustments she has to make, and then as she is swimming, she repeats it to herself, over and over.  She doesn’t allow anything else in her mind except those thoughts.  She concentrates on the stroke and only the stroke. 

She told me, and she had never said it before to me, that Summer swim is so much harder for her than her normal year because during Summer recreation league, parents/fans are right by the side of the pools, screaming.  She can hear and see us and no matter how hard she tries, she loses her concentration during meets.  It’s one thing to hear her coaches during her meets year round – she is used to it, she’s supposed to.  But to see and hear us, it breaks her.

I asked her why she has never told us that before.  We are the parents on the sidelines going nuts!  She said because none of us have ever swam before… we wouldn’t get it.  We wouldn’t understand the concentration it takes. But now that I do, I can get it.

So, I’m a swimmer, huh?  I get it.  Now, I have to concentrate.  I, the crazy Type A, have to learn from my Type A daughter.  If she can learn to do it, I should be able to, right?

Have I mentioned how proud of her I am?

What I learned and next steps

I won’t lie and say I wasn’t disappointed and some things because for those of you that know me, you would immediately say “bullshit.”  I can say I didn’t think of anything like that during the race, and to this minute, I hold no regrets and am proud of myself for finishing.  That being said, I am not happy with certain things and know I could have done better.  But, that is what makes me go and makes me want to do another one.  It’s the complete thrill of it all.

Preparation

I think I packed everything I needed and, in that sense, was good to go. I do need to figure out better what to eat the night before and the morning of.  The 10am start threw me off because I am used to exercising first thing.  My next races (half marathon, sprint tri, etc.) are all early morning starts and I think that will be better for me.

Swim

Ugh.  I really wish I just didn’t suck at this.  Matt took a long hard look at people’s times and, except for the people that came in the top 5, most people had one or two super strong events and then fell off in one.  That made me feel better.  But, really… why do I just suck?  Why can’t I get this? It is so frustrating to me.

I know a part of this swim was my inexperience with open water, so I have signed up for some open water clinics.  The first is in a few weeks and will just give me some time with an instructor in open water.  I’m also going to try to get out a few more times where I just swim in a lake, maybe bring Ellen.  I need to do this because it was such a bad experience for me.

Type A, texting before the race

But that doesn’t help with the endurance factor.  I think part of it is just plain boredom.  This happened with running until very recently. I am SO f’ing type A (um… some of you can stop laughing).  If I wasn’t so heavily medicated with my migraine medications at night, I would NEVER fall asleep because of thinking of other things.  It took a dear friend (of now 17 years… holy shit) to suggest listening to a book on tape for me to really enjoy running.  I can completely zone out to the book.

So – where is my solution while swimming?  I start off fine. I can think of all the corrections (and there are a lot!!) I’m supposed to be making to my stroke, and I realize I’m a lot stronger than most people in my lane.  Oh… but then I get SO bored.  And my mind starts to wander.  And I forget everything.  And when your stroke isn’t right when you swim, you become inefficient really quickly.  And then you get tired really quickly.  And… it’s over.

I’ve been thinking about trying (this is a HUGE operative, “trying”) to learn to meditate.  There are courses on meditation while running.  I wonder if the same can apply to swimming.  Obviously not a deep mediation because I’d sink to the bottom of the damn pool – but some kind of mediation where I can focus better and control my thoughts and my breathing.  Focus on what I’m doing deeply.

If anyone has thoughts or has read on this, I’d appreciate insights!

Bike

Running in from the swim to the bike, my legs were pretty wobbly, but I know how to work on that. I was pretty happy with my mount on my bike.  Where I failed completely was my gears and shifting.  Luckily, I have a man who understands bikes, and a brother who is a pretty accomplished cyclist.  I feel very confident that I can greatly increase my ability in this area and therefore cut my time significantly fairly easily.

I have seriously strong legs (not bragging, it’s just a fact. I think it’s genetic because my brother does too). If I have one thing going for me as an endurance athlete – triathlons, marathons – it’s my legs. More time on my bike will allow me to use those to my advantage.  I’m trying to talk Hubs into researching and buying a bike.  He won’t buy a road bike, but is interested in exploring cyclocross, which is growing in popularity around here. I’d love to be able to go on rides with him!  And I’d learn to get my damn water bottle out of its damn holder so I wouldn’t be so damn dehydrated! HA!

Run

A lot of my struggle with this was the fact it was trail running and that I was dehydrated.  I wasn’t thrilled with my time and know I could have definitely pushed myself harder.  It was hot (oh, cry me a damn river, slacker… yes, that is another internal conversation), I really, really needed some water (that is a serious thing), and my legs felt like jello.  The whole jello thing is something I can do something about. 

I know I didn’t train well enough for transitioning between events and that was just that I don’t have enough time.  But I WILL do more bricks – where you do some of one event and go immediately into another, and do it again (ex: bike 5 miles, immediately run 1 mile hard. Repeat 3 times).  I think I did bricks two times, 1 swim/bike; 1 bike/run.  Um, yea.  Obviously not enough.

So, while I am obviously not getting more time in my life, and I start a marathon training program on the 28^th for my 1^st marathon on August 19^th, there are things I can add to my workouts that I think will make me a bit stronger for next time!

• Research what to eat night before and pre-race
• Keep plugging along with swim practice.  Look into meditation
• Participate in open water swim clinics and exercises
• Work on gears and shifting bike
• Get in at least one ride a week on bike, even if only 10 miles of speed work
• Schedule in brick workouts
• Smile and HAVE FUN!

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