I’m going through a major period of doubt today. I guess it started yesterday and you may caught with my post about time and my lack of it. I guess it has grown exponentially since then. Hubs and I just got done looking at the sample monthly calendar from the tri group I want to join and the prognosis isn’t good. When he starts by saying, k, so let's break down what that is for the week. Monday you either do the night or the morning session. If you do the morning you miss seeing #2 and #3 in the morning. If you do the night, you can probably get home by 8 and see #1 and #2 before bed. Tues: same as it is now – so you’ll do swim in the morning and we’ll have the crazy rush out the door. Wed: morning track, so you won't see the girls in the morning. I assume that means nothing for Wed evening, but if you do the boot camp you miss #3. Thursday would be as it is now in the morning (swim practice) and you could do boot camp at night – again no #3. Friday – you have to bring #1 to swim practice in AM so you don’t get to see #2 and #3.
Yea – so obviously that doesn’t sound good. Now, I don’t HAVE to do all of the practice sessions to be part of this group. That isn’t the point! But the practices after work are 6:30 or 7:30pm. And additional sessions (besides my swim practices) in the morning are 6:30am. NOT the best times for parents. So adding things in means taking time away from my family.
But the thing is… I need to add things in. I’m not the “let’s just cross the finish line” type of person. If I am going to do this, I want to DO THIS. I want to really go for it. I’m not expecting to come in under 2 hours for my first half marathon in a few weeks, but I also don’t want to crawl across the finish line. I don’t want to fall on my ass during transitions during my tris and look like a fool. I want to make the best finish I can. And I know I’m not doing that right now.
I also know I get up at 4am right now and work out for 2 hours and come home to help get 3 kids out the door for school, then work at a very stressful job for 9 or 10 hours and go home to be a wife and mom, and usually work some more, before falling into bed for 5 or 6 hours a night, if I’m lucky. I really, really, really want this. But I’m wondering if I’m going to be able to pull it off. Logic is telling me to hang it up. And my heart is crushed.
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