Sidelined for a bit...

Haven’t been on here in a while.  For awhile, writing was the last thing I wanted to do because I kind of had to admit… well, not defeat, but weakness.  And it was REALLY bothering me.  I was really trying to not let it, but it really was.

What I didn’t say here is that I was very close to making the decision to change my bib for my first event, the DC Rock n’ Roll Half Marathon on March 17 from the half marathon to a full marathon.  It was going to be a game day (well… day before, when I picked up my number) decision, but I felt like I was really close to being “there.”  I was strong and healthy and while I didn’t expect to make a terrific show, I felt like I could finish.  No, it wasn’t going to be the smartest decision I have ever made because I had NOT trained for a marathon length.  But, over the two weeks prior, I had bumped up my long runs to a distance I felt would enable me to finish.

Well… then my body decided differently.  On, February 25, I decided to run 20 miles, the longest I’ve ever run.  The weekend before I had completed 15 with very little issue.  I thought that if I could do the 20, and nothing went wrong the last two weeks, then why not?

Well, my run itself went really well. Don’t get me wrong, the last three miles sucked, but I think that is totally in my head, because the last three of all of my long runs suck. But, I really was pretty proud!  My time was good, my body was good, and I felt great.

Until I got home.  Then my body just caved.  NOTHING went right.  Everyone I spoke with said that is completely normal ~ sometimes your body hits a wall and goes nuts on you.  Mine did and it recovered. WOW, what an experience THAT was! HA!  But, what didn’t recover was my right shin.  Such pain, I really didn’t think I was going to be able to walk!  Came out of nowhere and wouldn’t go away.  For days, I was nearly brought to tears more than once just by walking a bit too much or rubbing my shin.  After 5 days, I tried to run – just two miles – and cried the whole way.  ME! I cried!  It was crazy.

So, totally stopped running. I was CRUSHED.  In my mind, I realized the marathon was out, and I pretty much realized the half was probably gone, too.  I was, at that point, praying that it wasn’t a stress fracture because I was going to be out for a long time and I have so many other races coming up!

Thankfully, was able to get into my orthopedic doctor who took an x-ray and could only kinda sorta see through the immense amount of inflamed muscle I had.  He was 90% sure it wasn’t broken (phew), so I got an anti-inflammatory, exercises, and sent to PT.  And told… no running.  That was on the 12^th.  Went back for another xray last Friday and no break and the inflammation is finally down.  This Saturday, I went for my first run!  3.5 miles, about 45 seconds off my pace, but… I did it!  Went again Sunday, 5 miles, and went again today, 4 miles, with a better pace – not great, but getting there.  It’s a little tender, need to stretch and ice tonight, but it feels good!

It was pretty upsetting to go from thinking I was going to do a marathon to wondering if I had a break.  I’ve been kinda trying to keep up with everything else, and now have only about 3 weeks until my first triathlon!  UGH!  I feel a bit more invigorated now that I can run again – like I’m whole.  It’s hard when that is my best sport to lose it!

But… I did do some research today.  I may be adding an event.  There may be another marathon added. This one BEFORE my 35^th birthday!!  WOOO HOO!  

Keep running, even when it sucks

Oh yea… whoooops! Bloggy blog!  I say that like I haven’t thought about writing here for days.  It’s just been a very busy week with other stuff and I haven’t quite made it back here.

I have made a deal with myself that I am not going to beat myself up about things until after my first race on March 17.  From there, I have about a month until my first sprint triathlon.  I know I can finish without a problem right now.  It is how I will do that is an issue for me.  I have now skipped two days (Thursday and Tuesday) in the pool and still haven’t spent a lot of time on my bike.  But I feel like after this first race, I can switch things up and spend my weekends where I would typically spend 2-3 hours running on my bike, and I can focus more on my swimming because I won’t ache as much because of super long runs.  I think that works.

So… the run.  It’s going pretty well.  I ran 15 horrible miles on Saturday.  I say horrible not because I couldn’t do it, but because it just started out terrible and I never got my mind around it.  I have learned, as my mileage has gone up, that running is a seriously technical and mental sport.  It is technical because you have to think about when you are going to try to speed up or let off some gas, when you are going to take water and nutrition, or when you are good to go.  And mental because sometimes you just have to force yourself to start, knowing it will get better, sometimes you have to run through some pain, and sometimes, it is just going to suck.

Saturday, it just sucked, almost the whole 2:15.  I kinda felt like I had to go to the bathroom from the start, but wasn’t really sure, I was pretty much over (kinda sorta) my groin pull, but it was still ridiculously tight and I know I was treating it gingerly, and the wind was blowing like absolute crazy.  But, I started off about 5:45am down the W&OD trail, blowing around.  I just didn’t feel…. right.  Pretty much within the first 2-3 miles, I knew I should have turned around and found a bathroom, but too late.  And then my Droid started doing something funny and the book I was listening to started kinda pausing every once in a while then starting again.  Not a big deal, but when you are trying to zone out, knowing you have 2 hours to run, annnnnoying!.  I could still feel my groin, and it worried me.  So, it just wasn’t right.  Nothing felt right.

I kept going.  It wasn’t until I was about to turn around that things got a bit better.  And it is because of some deer.  Yea, deer.  The trail runs through a nature preserve and I saw a group of 5 whitetails by the side of the trail, just watching me.  Then about .25m up, about 8 crossed the trail.  And it was heartening.  So pretty.  That really helped me out.

For a little while. 

Things started going to hell again about mile 11.  Cramps, then I swear my groin. I just felt like I couldn’t keep going. I actually stopped my GPS, which I haven’t done in months.  I stopped on the path and seriously considered calling Hubs and telling him to come get me.  It was only about 45 seconds, but right ahead of me, RIGHT ahead, I saw a mile marker.  And wouldn’t you know it?  3 miles left.  THAT’S IT!  And I said, out loud, “That’s BULLSHIT!” and off I went.  45 seconds of a personal pity party.

The last 3 were fine.  Except it started snowing, which really made me laugh. Because seriously, what else could go wrong with that damn run???  But, I finished.  And my time really was pretty good, considering.

I had my recovery drink in the car, went home and promptly fell asleep on the couch for an hour. I was a bit sore the rest of the day, but nothing unmanageable.  And fine the next day.  So, all in all, I consider it a really BIG success because I conquered myself… and I’m my own worst enemy.

Only thing left is a little change in races I’m considering, but am not sure yet.  I’m actually considering two changes, one short-term and one long-term.  But we’ll see.  I’m not always very smart…

~ R

The first ouch

Well, I officially have an ouch.  Yesterday I mentioned that my right leg was in pain, from my groin to my knee to my ankle.  I was in lot of pain yesterday and seriously felt like a wuss.  I couldn’t figure out WHAT in heck I did! I went for a run yesterday, but it wasn’t anything major or overblown and I don’t remember feeling anything on a stride or anything.

So, if you are familiar with that fun adductor/abductor machine at the gym, the muscle that is really hurting me is my adductor.  Groin pulls are mostly done from quick starts or change in direction, stops or stretching.  But I really don’t remember doing anything like that.  Maybe I moved in a bad direction stretching right afterward since I had an icepack on my knee?  I guess that is the most logical explanation.

What I don’t know is if my groin, knee, and ankle pain are all connected.  So, I’m just trying to take it easy, ice, compression, and some gentle stretching.  I am going to get some groin tape for the next time I run and see what the deal is.

As for my ankle – just don’t know what to do there. I can’t run with anything on it, so I’ll just ice it afterwards.  I’m in flops today, only putting on my heels when I HAVE to.  I’m going to try keeping out of heels as much as possible (KILLER!) for awhile and lots of ice.

My knee?  Just prayer.  Don’t have much else to go on there.

So, that is that.  Hoping a few days off will allow me to get 15 miles in on Saturday.  It is my last long run before I start tapering my mileage down before the half marathon.  After the half, I start an actual training program for the triathlon, so a new goal. I’d REALLY like to get this long run in, but we’ll see!

Gooooood times!

Swimming Sucks... And OUCH!

So, I’m hating the swim. I don’t want to. I want to love it.  Hubs thinks the fact that I hate it is wildly amusing because I told him when I first started thinking about this back in October that, “I am really not worried about the swim part at all!” And he laughed.  And now?  I hate the swim. I loathe the swim. Did I really, really make it clear?

It doesn’t hurt.  My form is fine.  I’m not afraid and I don’t hate being in the water.  I actually enjoy swimming (until I start to hate it). And I’m told that I “look” strong in the water.  So, WHY don’t I feel strong?  Why don’t I FEEL like I am progressing?  Why am I not moving up faster? Why am I not better?

Okay, so logically here (note: logic and I part ways quite often).  I have been to a total of 7 swim practices.  

One of those I didn’t complete because my calf was barely moveable.  But – probably half of the remainder of those practices, I have made excuses for why I have needed to quit a drill early (um, leaking goggles, cramp, dog ate my homework…). NO! I’m just tired.  I can’t keep up.  I DON’T WANT TO SWIM!  And the thing is, if I just focused and put on my game face, if I went a bit Zen and really beared down, I COULD do it.  I COULD finish whatever drill it was.

But I rarely do.  I come up with an excuse.  And I detest that.  I hate when my kids make excuses. When my colleagues do it.  And I LOATHE when I do it.

I also hate that I have started to compete with people around me.  My weight loss, then my health  goals, and now my fitness goals have never been about competing with anyone but me.  I am VERY competitive, but I’ve worked hard to make this about me setting internal hurdles and goals to achieve.  But, I look around the pool and see some people in higher lanes, with better endurance than me, swimming faster than me, who I know that I am in better physical condition than.  I am stronger, and leaner, and have less body fat and, and, and… All those things that I have worked REALLY hard for and that are supposed to make a difference.  And I get ANGRY!  Not at them, but at myself.  I want to be them!  I WANT TO BE BETTER IN THE POOL.  I’m jealous. 

My brother has never claimed to be a swimmer.  He has never done a tri because of the swim.  The kid could swim underwater for DAYS, but he just stinks doing any kind of regular freestyle.  But, because he can’t stand the fact that 1) he has been down for the count for months now due to his hip, and 2) that I’m doing more events this year than he is, he has decided that his comeback will be, if all goes well, the Olympic tri I am doing in September.  SO, he has joined a Master’s program near him.  It does help that he texted me yesterday, hating the swim as much as I do. 

Swim sucks.  A goal is that by the end of this season, it doesn’t suck as much.  Maybe when I hate to swim a mile before riding a bike for 20 miles, I won’t hate it so much.  Geez… I hope so.

__________________________________________________________________________________

Today, I ran about 6 miles pretty quick before rushing to get my two oldest up an hour early to get to church for Ash Wednesday service before school.  Pretty happy with my time, but not happy that:

• My knee was hurting a bit during the run. Note: I have about 1% cartilage in my knee and it is my awful fear it is going to go on me.
• My ankle has been hurting me pretty much all day since the run.
• My right groin is killing me for the last few hours.

Iced my knee when I got home.  It feels fine now so hoping it was just a fluke.  Groin and ankle?  NO clue what’s going on.  Been having problems with this ankle for weeks.  Groin, knee, ankle – all on right side.  Going to do some really, really good stretching tonight, ice, and mineral ice.  Hoping it goes away or I can work it out.  Bla.

Getting things in order

Just realized I haven’t written here in awhile.  No real reason except I’ve been trying to get my head around some things.  I know… that is when I really SHOULD be writing.  Oh well.

I have been doing some soul searching, some meditating, some praying, and some organizing… and got my heart and head around what I need to do to feel better about my time situation, my nutrition, and just my general mood about this.  If I WANT to do this, then why aren’t I having FUN with it?  And if I’m not, then I shouldn’t be doing it. Plain and simple.

Step by step, here is what I’ve done:

• I ordered some books.  One is a book on triathlon training that is one of the most heralded books for certified coaches around.  MUCH more technical than I understand or need, it has already proven to be very helpful (more on this).  The second is a nutrition book for athletes.  Again, very technical, and one I haven’t gotten into 100%, but already has helped me.
• I’ve set priorities.  Getting my priorities straight got me healthy (my soul) before.  I think I needed to get my priorities straight when it came to my training.  I need to look to July and September as my BIG races and what my ultimate goals are this season, but need to take steps incrementally so I don’t get overwhelmed.  I think I started to get way overwhelmed.
• I started to realize that I have only been training for less than 2 months.  Yea, I may have had this idea for four months, I need to give myself some credit.  In February of 2011, I was still over 200 pounds.  Now, I have some great goals I am working toward that are lofty, but within reach.  I should be proud of myself, and not beating up on myself for not being even further along.

So, first off, I have mentally, which will soon turn into a reality, turned each of my days into a 24-hour spreadsheet.  I’ve built in sleep, personal time, work, etc.  That way, I can see when I have time to get in workouts.  I got this idea from my training book and think it is really going to help me.  I am SUCH a visual person.  I think once I see that I have THIS time to work out on THIS day, and THIS time on THAT day… I may actually have more time than I think!  Plus, I think it is going to help a lot now that the days are getting longer. 

Second, Hubs and I had a nice talk about how I’m feeling regarding nutrition, some changes I’d like to make, and how to do this.  I really don’t want this to become something where I’m eating all my meals different from everyone… but we could stand to make some changes (especially those nights the big girlies aren’t around) in our diet.  And I don’t want it to cost a damn fortune.  I think we have a good game plan, at least to start with.  

A BIG change so far is the yummy breakfast (quick and powerful) I’ve added, and another snack.

And it really was a bit eye opening when I realized that it isn’t yet the end of February yet.  And I really am doing okay.  Not great, but I am okay.  I’m going to be proud of myself. For today ;-)

This weekend, I had a pretty good workout weekend.  I got up on Saturday and ran right about 13 miles.  It was a fairly flat trail I ran on, and I definitely wasn’t pushing my time.  At 13 miles, the longest I’ve ran in years, my goal was to get ‘er done. I also was experimenting with some different nutrition and when I took it.  The longer I’m running, the more I’m realizing how technical a sport running is!  When you drink, when you eat, when you push your legs a bit, when you slow it down.  You really DO need to think.  But, even with not pushing at all, I came in at 1:50, which I’m really happy with.  I really do think I can get the half marathon in March, barring anything unforeseen, under 2:00. I will be really psyched!

I got up on yesterday, Monday, morning and did a spin class, followed by a short run on the treadmill.  The spin class showed me that I DO need to get on my bike more. YOWSA.  But it was fun. The run after showed me that, wow… transition is going to be hard.  But I can do it!  I was happy about that.  I really do think that I am truly going to love to bike and can’t wait for the days to get longer so I can get out more.

Then… there is swimming.  GAWD, I am frustrated.  I’m going to hold off on that until tomorrow, because this has been a positive post thus far.  :-D  I DID swim this morning, and DID complete the workout.  I was all set to go to the gym today at lunch to lift (I am going to get at least one day of lifting in a week), but have been dealing with a pretty bad headache today and had to take two codeine pills to knock it out… thinking NOT a good thing to lift on codeine. ;-)

OH!!!! BIG THING!  I have decided to give up CHOCOLATE for Lent!  Triple purposes here.  First, thinking of what would be a big sacrifice for me, this seems logical.  Second, thinking of something that my kids would notice and see that I was making a change in, sacrificing, and DOING in the name of Lent, as an example.  Third, well… selfishly.  I NEED to do this.  The shear amount of chocolate I eat is really disgusting.

I won’t lie.  I’m eating a LOT of chocolate today to prepare.

~ R 

A new week... Still plugging along

I’m still around… I haven’t given up, nor lost hope.  Some hormones (damn PMS) and a bit of anxiety kept me side-lined a bit, but I’m still here.  I think with some people, the physical aspect of this training would get to them.  For me, it is the time constraints.  So many people in the pool with me are either younger (no kids yet) or older (older children).  I don’t know if there are any my age or in my situation ~ especially not WOMEN!  I think last week I learned why. 

But, I’m not going to give up.  This year, I think I’ll be training on my own or with an online trainer and not doing the group training.  I just can’t work it into my schedule.  I do need to find time to get on the bike more.  I need to buy a bike trainer.  And I need to get my nutrition under control.  Once those three things are done, I think I’ll feel better. 

I ran 3 quick miles on Thursday, then skipped swimming practice (first time for that!).  I was going to have a VERY busy Thursday-Saturday at a conference with very late nights so decided to climb right back into bed, and am glad I did.  However, due to said conference, I didn’t do my long run over the weekend… kept pushing it off.

Until this morning.  So 10 miles before work.  It was interesting because I haven’t run 10 miles in about 5 years.  I was curious to see 1) if I could do it and 2) to see how I would feel.  I wasn’t doing it for time, just to finish.  And I did.  I definitely wasn’t winded and could have gone further.  My hips hurt a bit because it was a very, very hilly path I took.  But, in the end, I got home and thought “wow. I just ran for an hour and a half.  That’s pretty cool!” I definitely could have run faster and know I could have gone further, but I’m pretty happy with it.  I hadn’t had any water or nutrition during the run and hadn’t had a lot of water the day before.  And it was COOOOOLD.  So with that, I’m feeling okay.

I’m thinking, if all goes well, I think I may be able to push out a 1:45-1:50 half marathon in March.  That will be pushing and taking care of myself.  But, I’ll be happy with 1:45 – 2:00.

So, here’s to a new week!

Don't know if this is quite working out....

I’m going through a major period of doubt today.  I guess it started yesterday and you may caught with my post about time and my lack of it.  I guess it has grown exponentially since then.  Hubs and I just got done looking at the sample monthly calendar from the tri group I want to join and the prognosis isn’t good.  When he starts by saying, k, so let's break down what that is for the week. Monday you either do the night or the morning session.  If you do the morning you miss seeing #2 and #3 in the morning. If you do the night, you can probably get home by 8 and see #1 and #2 before bed. Tues: same as it is now – so you’ll do swim in the morning and we’ll have the crazy rush out the door. Wed: morning track, so you won't see the girls in the morning. I assume that means nothing for Wed evening, but if you do the boot camp you miss #3. Thursday would be as it is now in the morning (swim practice) and you could do boot camp at night – again no #3.  Friday – you have to bring #1 to swim practice in AM so you don’t get to see #2 and #3.

Yea – so obviously that doesn’t sound good.  Now, I don’t HAVE to do all of the practice sessions to be part of this group.  That isn’t the point!  But the practices after work are 6:30 or 7:30pm.  And additional sessions (besides my swim practices) in the morning are 6:30am.  NOT the best times for parents.  So adding things in means taking time away from my family.

But the thing is… I need to add things in.  I’m not the “let’s just cross the finish line” type of person. If I am going to do this, I want to DO THIS.  I want to really go for it.  I’m not expecting to come in under 2 hours for my first half marathon in a few weeks, but I also don’t want to crawl across the finish line.  I don’t want to fall on my ass during transitions during my tris and look like a fool.  I want to make the best finish I can.  And I know I’m not doing that right now.

I also know I get up at 4am right now and work out for 2 hours and come home to help get 3 kids out the door for school, then work at a very stressful job for 9 or 10 hours and go home to be a wife and mom, and usually work some more, before falling into bed for 5 or 6 hours a night, if I’m lucky.  I really, really, really want this.  But I’m wondering if I’m going to be able to pull it off.  Logic is telling me to hang it up.  And my heart is crushed.