So, I’m hating the swim. I don’t want to. I want to love it. Hubs thinks the fact that I hate it is wildly amusing because I told him when I first started thinking about this back in October that, “I am really not worried about the swim part at all!” And he laughed. And now? I hate the swim. I loathe the swim. Did I really, really make it clear?
It doesn’t hurt. My form is fine. I’m not afraid and I don’t hate being in the water. I actually enjoy swimming (until I start to hate it). And I’m told that I “look” strong in the water. So, WHY don’t I feel strong? Why don’t I FEEL like I am progressing? Why am I not moving up faster? Why am I not better?
Okay, so logically here (note: logic and I part ways quite often). I have been to a total of 7 swim practices.
One of those I didn’t complete because my calf was barely moveable. But – probably half of the remainder of those practices, I have made excuses for why I have needed to quit a drill early (um, leaking goggles, cramp, dog ate my homework…). NO! I’m just tired. I can’t keep up. I DON’T WANT TO SWIM! And the thing is, if I just focused and put on my game face, if I went a bit Zen and really beared down, I COULD do it. I COULD finish whatever drill it was.
But I rarely do. I come up with an excuse. And I detest that. I hate when my kids make excuses. When my colleagues do it. And I LOATHE when I do it.
I also hate that I have started to compete with people around me. My weight loss, then my health goals, and now my fitness goals have never been about competing with anyone but me. I am VERY competitive, but I’ve worked hard to make this about me setting internal hurdles and goals to achieve. But, I look around the pool and see some people in higher lanes, with better endurance than me, swimming faster than me, who I know that I am in better physical condition than. I am stronger, and leaner, and have less body fat and, and, and… All those things that I have worked REALLY hard for and that are supposed to make a difference. And I get ANGRY! Not at them, but at myself. I want to be them! I WANT TO BE BETTER IN THE POOL. I’m jealous.
My brother has never claimed to be a swimmer. He has never done a tri because of the swim. The kid could swim underwater for DAYS, but he just stinks doing any kind of regular freestyle. But, because he can’t stand the fact that 1) he has been down for the count for months now due to his hip, and 2) that I’m doing more events this year than he is, he has decided that his comeback will be, if all goes well, the Olympic tri I am doing in September. SO, he has joined a Master’s program near him. It does help that he texted me yesterday, hating the swim as much as I do.
Swim sucks. A goal is that by the end of this season, it doesn’t suck as much. Maybe when I hate to swim a mile before riding a bike for 20 miles, I won’t hate it so much. Geez… I hope so.
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Today, I ran about 6 miles pretty quick before rushing to get my two oldest up an hour early to get to church for Ash Wednesday service before school. Pretty happy with my time, but not happy that:
- My knee was hurting a bit during the run. Note: I have about 1% cartilage in my knee and it is my awful fear it is going to go on me.
- My ankle has been hurting me pretty much all day since the run.
- My right groin is killing me for the last few hours.
Iced my knee when I got home. It feels fine now so hoping it was just a fluke. Groin and ankle? NO clue what’s going on. Been having problems with this ankle for weeks. Groin, knee, ankle – all on right side. Going to do some really, really good stretching tonight, ice, and mineral ice. Hoping it goes away or I can work it out. Bla.
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2 comments:
Swimming is HARD!! You are sooooo out of my league right now that I really have no worthwhile comments, other than 1) I'm sorry you're in pain right now and 2) I am so impressed by your tenacity!! Keep it up, and keep your cool, and in no time you'll be posting pics of all the medals you'll be winning in your events. :-) Love ya!
You know - part of the "tenacity" is 1) I feel my brother breathing down my neck now. Jerk wad just had hip surgery and is now in the pool 3 days a week and riding again, and 2) I really want/need to be doing better than I am, and 3) I've made it public I am doing this. So, I can't say, "oh, I suck. I gave up." Um, LOSER? It took a LOT for me to admit I was going to try. I HAVE to do it now!! It may have been a mistake for me to go public. ;-)
One of my friends just signed up for an Olympic Tri in Austin. Don't know when, but I was thinking... "I should sign up too and kick his butt... with the added benefit of it being in TEXAS!" hehehe.
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